journalist – writer – traveler

Falling into Van Gogh wonderland

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I remember that was a gloomy day. The morning rain softly then hardly kissed the land of Amsterdam. Travelers hated it because we have to clumsily cover ourselves with umbrella and we cannot take nice pictures. So we spent hours in Van Gogh museum.



Van Gogh, I describe him as a crazily wonderful Impressionist painter. The reason I fell in love with him is that he inspired me “paint your pain”. Painting remained in his utmost pain of depression. His style played with contrasting colors and thick curves. When I contemplated his works, which the most attractive are “Sunflowers” and “Wheatfield with a reaper”, my mind suddenly turned bright and clear. In one moment, I understood life.


After the visit, we wandered around the city. My friend eagerly reminded to try the space cake, said to be a must itinerary. I was not sure, but I would like to try. I followed her upstairs to a coffee shop. The coffee shop was filled with strong cannabis particles, so as cigarettes. It was decorated as a pretty blue ocean world. We sat. The bartender and neighbor customers stared at us strangely, conveying something like “where comes these stupid girls?”


We ordered a space cake, costed nine euros. The bartender asked for our identity cards to make sure we were over 18 years old. After finishing her cocktail in hand, she put the cake on our table. From surface, it is a normal delicious chocolate cake topped with colorful chocolate pieces. Funnily, it is attached with a piece of paper written its ingredients and red hints.



We shared it into half. I smelt it “Not strong cannabis scent”, then I tried it “Full of cannabis!” Then, I looked at my friend who was wearing a blank and disappointed face. She felt merely a piece of chocolate cake, “Nothing special.” “What? The weed taste is prominent!” I frowned. “Just very tiny!” she replied sadly.


We left the coffee shop and kept on window shopping. But after 20 minutes, as I turned round from a souvenir shop, something happened in me. I felt terribly dizzy.


The world is spinning. I was spinning into Van Gogh’s Starry Night. Along his brush, I slid down the thick lines and down into the bottomless vortex. It was dark with nothing. The voices on street seemed so far from other space.

The world is shaking. I was shaking. My sight was like the screen of special effect in film. It blurred. I could not see the way. I tried hard to widen my opens and focus. But I could not. I did not want to see.

The world is sleeping. I wanted to sleep. So tired. So tired. All my energy lost at once. I felt like I was so light that I could fly. But if I closed my eyes, I was afraid I would fall into a long long sleep.


My friend was holding me by side. We slowly approached to another museum as we had booked a visit. Luckily, my other friends finished the visit and picked me up. I remember the staff member, a young man. I remember his blue eyes. I remember his warm words and smile, “I tried once and never try anymore. My reaction was feeling very hungry. But after a sleep, everything goes back. Don’t worry. Go and take a rest. You will be fine.”



People said taking drugs can be happy and relieved. But why I only feel tired and bitter? Is this a dream? Can I wake up? Will I die? Am I worried? No, I had no energy and time to fear, but I did pray.

I entered a video game. Many shapes appeared with different sharp colors. They were jumping everywhere. When I wanted them bigger, they rapidly enlarged to full screen. Then, they flickered continuously and danced crazily. I felt like I could control everything. But, why I could not stop the game? Why was there no “game over”?


I don’t remember how I took tram and walked back to my hostel. I remember I immediately lied on my bed and fell asleep. My friend left me a pack of cookies and said, “When you wake up, eat this if you feel hungry.”


I saw Van Gogh, Van Gogh lonely and depressed face.


In morning, I woke up. My spirit was still sleepy but I felt like a human. I almost died. Thanks God I was alive. Yesterday was a nightmare. I called my parents. They immediately worried about me with a blaming tone. I regretted. I should not have done this. I told myself to remember this feeling so I would never do this stupid dangerous thing.


I looked out the window. Amsterdam was foggy but with pieces of blue in the sky.

Yes, after rest, everything goes back, you will be fine.



Next Chapter


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